Pants Shitting and Wetting at Busch Gardens Howl-O-Scream 2014

This weekend, a gentleman brandishing a chainsaw and a backwoods accent informed my girlfriend that he would be removing my skin and forcing her to wear it like a suit. No, I wasn’t in Land o’ Lakes, I was at Busch Garden’s 16th annual Howl-O-Scream horror-type scarezone event. You know, like Halloween Horror Nights but without the over-inflated budget and rights to Hollywood movie icons.

Packed with “wacky houses” of all sorts – themes ranging from scary cannibals to scary clowns to two types of scary zombies – as well as wandering ghoulies just waiting to pop out and ruin your brand new trousers, this year’s Howl-O-Scream promises to get your adrenaline pumping and probably get you laughing at that idiot who has no idea someone’s following hOH GOD BEHIND YOU THEY’RE BEHIND YOU!!!!

Highlights of the latest iteration of Howl-O-Scream include a black-lit clown-packed circus-themed house presented in mind-blowing 3D (you know, just like real life), a Voodoo house with relentless, rapid-fire scares, and an innovative interactive zombie-themed house that combines the terrors of the inevitable zombie apocalypse with lazer tag.

There’s also an attraction called The Experiment featuring some real next level shit, putting visitors through a battery of tests of will and bravery, akin to the classic reality series Fear Factor. Only catch is to experience the TRUE FEAR of The Experiment, guest are kindly asked to fork over an additional 50 bucks (10 dollars per person after that for groups of up to 4). Perhaps a bit steep after the initial 55 or so dollars that got you in the gates.

Oh and there’s some over-arching theme this year about a scary song or something… I dunno what that’s all about. Probably really terrifying stuff.

Howl-O-Scream runs through the 1st of November, from 7:30pm to 1am each night.
Tickets range from $45 for groups of 15+ to $219 for the so-called Ultimate Package.

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