Happy Valentine’s Day!
Just kidding… Valentine’s day is for assholes. I had a huge fight with my “partner” (she won’t let me call her girlfriend) over the plans I made this weekend. I took her to the Hard Rock Casino because they had all of these Valentine’s Day packages (including a buffet), but she did not enjoy herself. She said that I didn’t consider what she would want even though I kept asking her what she wanted to do and she kept telling me to surprise her. Did I actually fuck up or is she being ridiculous?
Margeaux Says: Valentine’s day is definitely for girls, not couples. The whole day is marketed towards men and I think there is a lot of pressure on you dummies to be creative and romantic, not because that’s how you feel or want to express yourselves, but because it’s February 14th. To answer your question: I think your partner is being ridiculous unless she is a recovering gambling or buffet addict. If you ask to be surprised you should be prepared for a night at a casino. Maybe the problem was that you didn’t brand correctly. You should have dressed like Frank Sinatra and told her that the evening was a return to hollywood glamour and a time when men were men and women were grateful. I jest. I think she needs to appreciate that you tried and you need to accept that the casino is not her thing. Next year, you should make plans as a couple and only make the gifts a surprise.
Rion Says: Can I ask you a question? Do you by chance frequently wear fedoras? I only ask, because your tone just oozes with fedora. Are…are you a meninist? Anyways, I’m sorry for your loss. Valentine’s Day is the one day in all relationships that could be the defining moment for the entirety of the universe. It’s that big a deal. Unfortunately for you, you don’t give a shit about your partner, and didn’t really put much thought into what she would think might be a good time on this joyous day. I mean, how long have you been together that you didn’t realize this would be a bad idea? Has she shown signs of a gambling addiction? Is she a smoker? An alcoholic? Does she fancy a massive fucking buffet on the most romantic day of the season?? Yeah, you fucked up, fedora. Start listening to your partner FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.
Roy Says: From what I’m hearing it seems that she had something in mind even though she insisted she wanted a surprise and offered you no help. For Valentine’s Day, as with most things in this world, men get the short end of the stick (cool your jets) and at that short end is a big fat fucking goose egg (sarcasm). It’s not fair that your lady gave you no hint about what she wanted and treated you like an asshole when you fell short of what Hugh Grant did for Julia Roberts in some unrealistic rom-com. I’ve seen some women on the social medias telling their friends that their guys are fucking zilch and need to be dropped because they got the wrong kind of blood diamond. They, like your partner, are taking this greeting card perversion way too seriously. I’m not going to touch on the whole no girlfriend label. Not sure what that is, but if you’re free next year, let me know. I will gladly take her place and stuff my fat face and blow all your money on some game I don’t know how to play.
Rusty Says: A buffet is no laughing matter… there’s something extremely special about unlimited food and drink that puts it on a whole other level above some regular restaurant, like Bern’s or Whataburger or something. Buffets take out the middle man of food service, and make your relationship with the food that much more intimate. And the intimacy of a buffet in any romantic context should be a reflection of your relationship. That’s where you fucked up. Valentine’s Day is a special day, yes, but how long have you been with your “pardner”? Three years? Five? It sounds to me like you’re moving waaaay too fast here. A buffet might be appropriate for a 15th or 25th anniversary, but there’s no way a relationship as young, fresh, and undoubtedly sexy as yours is at that stage yet. You’re not ready for buffet territory until you’ve been covered in each others’ (non-)sexual bodily fluids many times over. Your date was likely freaked out by this presumptuous move on your part, and made to feel uncomfortable and awkward. And nobody wants that on their Valentine’s Day.
I suggest taking a few steps back with her. Take her out to a nice soup kitchen or go rummaging through the dumpster at Panera to reassure her that you know where the two of you stand together.
Nicole Says: I can tell this relationship isn’t going to end well. Might as well just break up now.
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