Ask Tampa Bay | Wanna Be Best Friends?


I moved to Tampa to take a job a few months after college. I’ve been here for about six months and I’m having trouble making friends. Most of my co-workers are much older than me and, since I’m not in school anymore, it’s just not as easy to meet new people. Any suggestions about how to make friends as an adult in this city?

-Ready to Mingle


Margeaux Says: You should consider selling drugs. If shows like Breaking Bad and Weeds have taught us anything, it is that manufacturing and/or selling drugs is a great way to meet new and diverse friends with dope rides, useful skill sets, and business acumen. The people you meet while climbing the blood-soaked ladder of kingpin success will become lifelong friends. The best way to bond with another adult is through common interests. Jesse and Walt bonded over a love of chemistry and liquified human remains. If drug dealing isn’t your thing, decide what is and join a class or a club. Tampa has a lot of options to choose from. If all else fails, you can hit me up and I’ll braid your hair.



Rion Says: Hey Mingler. It seems more and more, in this overwhelmingly depressing world, that friends are quite a hot commodity. We need someone to share in the pain that is the nothingness of life. They can help to ease the day-to-day emptiness, and fill that dank, deep hole inside that screams for something more than this provincial life. Yes, friends are the salve to what ails your cold, dead heart. BUT let me ask you this; why do you want friends? That is to say, you’ve survived this long without them, so why not take it to the max? Some of the best people in history and pop culture were loners, and the world revered them. Boo Radley. Ayn Rand. James Bond. Nikola Tesla. The Grinch. All icons in their own right. You could someday reach their caliber of godliness if you only tried. You could be untouchable! So, go out into the world, and show them that you’re too aloof and mysterious for masses! Godspeed, my dark soul. Godspeed.


Roy Says: I’m terrible at making friends. Not that I have ever had the desire to do so, but it doesn’t come easy until I go to a party and get a few drinks in me and then I’m beating all those future friends off with a stick. I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve looked at my phone only to find it full of possible new besties. I, of course, delete them immediately. If you’re looking for suggestions, here’s what I would do if I had the ridiculous idea of making friends: I would go to the nearest cigar bar, sit in a corner by myself and maybe I’d hear someone talk about a sports team I like. If I felt up to it, maybe I’d chime in. But I wouldn’t count on it. Good Luck!


Rusty Says: Friends is hard. Friends is a hard thing. But you always have options! I’ve found an excellent place to make a new friend (or TEN ;D) is a college campus. Take USF for example – there you’ll find thousands upon thousands of young, bright-faced, youthful, intelligent young people. Barely legal. Just put on your coolest pair of overalls, walk onto campus (be sure to park a few blocks away to avoid parking fees!), and set up shop near your target demographic! Looking for the artistic type? Try the College of The Arts! Bookish more your type? Check out the Library! I typically am seeking someone I can connect to on a spiritual level, so a spirited religious discussion suits me just fine. That’s why you’ll find me hanging out in front of Cooper Hall, with my big sign to let people know I’m interested in religion, engaging in lively discourse with my fellow man. After all, why settle for one friend when you can have an entire college campus just happy to see you there?


Nicole Says: Ouch. I am not the one to ask… not a social person. What’s so great about friends anyway? All they really do is cut into your Netflix time. Also, older people can be really cool. They don’t really want to like, go out and do things… so lots of time for Netflix.


Need Advice? Ask Tampa Bay!

Disclaimer: Literally nothing qualifies us to give you advice on anything…ever. However, don’t let this deter you. What we can offer are several unique personalities, an impressive cache of real-life and media-based experience, and our mothers.

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